Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
