I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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