Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
