Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
please come you make the beer taste better
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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