I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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