can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
