the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize