i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
