just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
