Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
