I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
