Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
