there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
