Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
