He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Operation Purity has been aborted
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize