East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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