I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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