marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize