There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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