I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
