Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
