I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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