All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
