i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
