Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
3pm strippers are depressing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
