Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
