my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
