I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
