We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
