if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
