I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didn't notice because vodka
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
