i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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