chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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