I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
