3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm both gender and math confused
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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