I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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