Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
