my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
