and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
