it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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