Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can't special order awesome
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
