her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
