Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
