When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
