I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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