My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
