so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
