i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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