Can i not drive my cunt home
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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