mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
tell me about the eggs
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