I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
