I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
