Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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