Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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