He uses pillows to masturbate.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
