I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i scared a bird with my dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
