Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
