R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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