You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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