I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize