Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
