I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
