You made me cry and you don't even care
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
