u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
