ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
