i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
