Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They have beer where we have blood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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