I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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